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Toilet Seats and Gratitude

In the Olelo, the Hawaiian language, our devotional verse goes this way..

Ke hoomaikai aku nei au i ko'u Akua i na manawa a pau a'u i hoomanao ai ia oe.

Phil. I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Gratitude or feeling thankful is a universal experience. When good things happen or you see the end of a hard road, there’s this automatic feeling of gratitude.

For some folks, it’s “thank goodness”

Some, it’s “thank the universe”

For others, it’s literally “thank god”..in Hawaiian, it is Mahalo ke Akua.

Mahalo is Thank you, Akua is the one true God.

It is interesting, though, that sources show that the meanings "thanks" and "gratitude" were only created following contact with Westerners. The word mahalo is first found in an Eighteen sixty five dictionary, many decades after first contact.

Early visitors noted that the Hawaiians were generous and grateful people, but had no words to express gratitude or to say "thank you".

Now in our verse today, it seems Paul had no problem expressing himself and his gratitude for his colaborers.

Now most of us are instinctively thankful though we may express it in different ways. It’s almost like we can’t help it.

Now I say we almost can’t help it because when it comes to expressing our gratitude to each other, maybe it’s not always so fluid, so instinctive.

Not only can we help it, but oftentimes we do help it.

We withhold our gratitude. And when you withhold gratitude When I withhold my gratitude,

We actually create a gap in the relationship,

an unfilled space.

I have a special type of lei.

Lei are constructed of flowers, leaves, sea shells, seeds, nuts, feathers, money or even beads. A lei is a symbol of love, friendship, thankfulness, honor, or greeting.

In essence, it is a symbol of Aloha.

It was given to me in gratitude, pastor to pastor. He made it by hand and gifted it to me my after my last sermon on Kaua’i

Now, If there was a cut in it..

There would be something missing that creates a glitch in the wholeness, it would actually fall apart.

Staying on our topic, ingratitude cuts a relationship.

If it goes on for too long, not only is there a gap, it undermines the integrity, the strength of the relationship.

In truth, few things hurt more than ingratitude.

Here’s why. Ingratitude communicates “I don’t see you, I don’t recognize what you’ve done, I don’t recognize your effort, I don’t recognize your sacrifice.”

Ingratitude also communicates..” you know what..you owed me that, so why would I thank you for it?”

And ingratitude stings extra because it isn’t neutral.

It’s the opposite of what was expected or earned, perhaps even deserved, so it hurts.

This is odd in a funny sense because the other person didn’t really do anything to us, they just didn’t do anything.

You thought you were playing catch, but they just watched the ball bounce around.

For many folks, there are few things more hurtful than ingratitude.

And at the same time, there are few things more uncomfortable than pointing out someone’s ingratitude. Are you with me?

It feels kind of childish. “Hey, what about a thank you once in a while” or “Hey, you didn’t say thank you.” We do that to our kids…to train them.

But Who wants to say this to an adult?

“You never show appreciation, a mahalo would be nice”

You sound like a whiner having to say that, and it kind of makes us feel small and insecure.

It actually might be worse when the person afterward says, I’m so sorry” because what we hear is..

“I’m so sorry you little sissy la la who needs constant reassurance, affirmation and a safe place to get hugs”

So even asking or bringing up the subject of ingratitude is pretty uncomfortable.

Now ingratitude is a strange thing because it’s not even a thing, it’s a lack of a thing, ingratitude is an absence of words, an absence of recognition of something that we’ve done, that really does deserve recognition.

Another strange thing about ingratitude is this.

It looms large when we are the victim.

It’s all we see when someone has been ungrateful.

But it’s completely invisible to the perpetrator.

Think about when we create a gap through our own ingratitude, it’s all that person can see, we can’t see it at all. We’re clueless, which is obvious to the other person, and more likely, makes that pain worse.

The recipient is always aware, but the instigator is rarely aware.

Then we say things like this, “but… I am grateful, which is translated “I am grateful on the inside. I have grateful thoughts and feelings towards you.”

Which while it’s true, it’s almost meaningless, isn’t it? Because and this is the point of today’s devotion,

Unexpressed gratitude is actually experienced by the person as ingratitude.

Unexpressed gratitude is often experienced by the other person as the opposite of what we convince ourselves, what we really feel and really think.

I have a friend, a specialist on families, Dr. Jim Burns. He told me years ago, ” Through the years I have met with lots of men in particular, who are super busy, and find themselves alienated from their families and their children.

Here’s the advice I give them…” Look, you love your kids in your heart but you don’t love your kids on your calendar.

The calendar is what counts, the calendar is what connects, the calendar communicates what you feel.”

The same can be said for gratitude. It’s the expression of gratitude. It’s putting it on your calendar, making the time.

It’s the expression of gratitude, not the emotion that completes the circle, the action closes the gap.

As a Christ follower, I know you are well aware of what Christ has done and continues to do. I am positive that by song and expression, you convey your aloha and mahalo to Him. We have been redeemed from eternal darkness, I am pretty sure, you make your gratitude known weekly. Some churches are really good at this. With my background in the Presbyterian world, I need some work breaking out of my frozen chosen gig. I feel it deep water…I need to splash it around a bit more!

So we will try better with Jesus, today.

Now in regards to your ‘Ohana, your church family, and your fellow workers, we could probably do better too.

You know your honest and expressed mahalos assist in keeping them vibrant and strong in ministry..why do most volunteers quit? The main reasons boil down to “they don’t feel they are doing a good job”. “But they are helping, they are doing good you tell me”…don’t tell me or your office wall, tell them. Tell them…now.

Our Paul, here, in our devotion verses expresses his aloha, love, and gratitude. They are some of the most beautiful writings that exist. Paul truly knows how to write his gratitude and as these letters were shared verbally throughout the churches…someone passed his gratitude along too. Good, good job.

I repeat his God breathed words his Akua ha..here.

I mahalo ke Akua every time I remember you. In my pule, my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Iesu Christo, Jesus Christ.

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